


don't i hold you

by aspalas



Category: Silent Hill (Video Game Series)
Genre: Gen, and 'in water' ending, compliant with the born from a wish scenario
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24084646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspalas/pseuds/aspalas
Summary: But if the woman James longed for was no longer alive, maybe... maybeshecould become his Mary.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	don't i hold you

Maria didn’t like this town. Even the name - Silent Hill - gave her the creeps. The fog settled over her head, body, and arms as a wet blanket would, making her shiver in her thin clothes. She often eyed James’ thick looking military jacket with envy, but swallowed it: at least he was warm and secure to an extent. They walked quickly and purposefully through the town, James clutching a handgun in his right hand as they followed the street signs. _This way,_ Maria would guide him. _And make a right here…_

Maria did not walk next to James. She found herself falling into step behind him. For protection? Yes, because of the monsters. She didn’t want to die, at least, not now; she had James. But did James need her? She couldn’t fight the way he did, but she couldn’t afford to be alone.

He balked at taking her along first. But the more time they spent together she noticed that he would look at her in quick lapses of time. Millisecond-long sideway glances soon became full two, three-second stares. His lack of subtly began to wear on her. She always caught his wandering, scared eyes that betrayed hints of wonder in them and gave him a deep frown or cruel verbal swipe about Mary in response. He acted like he was searching her face for a hint of his Mary, but without fail, only Maria turned up. 

_That James is a bad man._

She had defended him to Ernest without really knowing why. _No, he’s a good man. You don’t know anything._ He had never met James. She had never met him either, but she knew it to be true. This town had a funny effect on the both of them. How could Ernest assume he was bad?

Sometimes, she pretended the longing in his eyes for Mary was really for her.

_He’s looking for the you that isn’t you._

_No,_ she wanted to say to Ernest, playing long gone conversations out in her head, _he’s looking for Mary_. But if the woman James longed for was no longer alive, maybe... maybe _she_ could become his Mary.

Who was Maria, anyway?

Ernest said she was born here. Maria didn’t deny that. Her memory was fuzzy. She didn’t remember very much outside Silent Hill, so perhaps she really was a resident that awoke to an empty town. She had woken up because she was frightened of something she couldn’t quite remember and saw that revolver in her hand - and then, shaking off the phantom fright, her legs simply guided her away from Heaven’s Night. Advertisements for her special night shows were plastered over the back alleys. It turned out she had a very good sense for directions so it made sense she lived here. She walked to the mansion, to the apartments, to the outlook point at the park. Waiting.

_Waiting for you…_

Sometimes James tried to talk to her. Other times Maria sensed he was too afraid to speak. She was afraid, too, of what he could say to her. Vague statements often crossed her mind, warning her about the oddest things: _when men are afraid they can be violent;_ _be careful what you do and say to_ him. Why would she be afraid? James was a good man. She didn’t need evidence—she just knew. He wouldn’t hurt her. 

* * *

In the hospital, Maria told James she was tired and needed to rest. Inclining her body on a rusty, lumpy mattress, she looked up at James wearily.

“Okay,” James said. His flashlight illuminated Maria’s tired face.

“It’s comfy,” Maria purred. “Want to sit down for a minute?” She patted a spot on the mattress that wasn’t darkened.

In the dim lighting Maria watched his expression go slack, his eyes narrowing. Was he suspicious of her, or fearful?

“I-I’m gonna go look for her. For Laura.” He stepped away from the bed, opened the door, and then he was gone.

Maria sighed, laying an arm over her eyes. His words left her cold and empty. The loneliness was coming back.

_All because of that wife of his._

She cursed Mary. She was dead, but very much alive to James. She was the barrier that kept James away from her. Mary could be as real as the monsters they saw stagger around town. She didn’t need to be living, breathing flesh: her presence was real enough to cloud his eyes. James was deaf to all but Mary’s voice, blind to all but Mary’s face. Her letter was just a siren song to the “special place”.

 _You think miracles can really_ _happen?_ Back in the Baldwin mansion, Maria asked Ernest through the worn oak door. 

_This is Silent Hill,_ Ernest had replied.

Could Silent Hill have brought her back?

Maria wouldn’t let that happen.

* * *

She had thought about it. Decided it was for the best. No matter that James had abandoned her in the hospital—twice. The monster with the knife had cleaved through her body cleanly, but when she came to, Maria was in one piece. This must be Silent Hill’s power, Maria decided. The miracles Ernest spoke about could bring people back from the dead.

It could also jog her memory, or, at least give her someone else’s memory. When James walked into the other half of the jail cell, Maria smiled sweetly at him and began to speak. The memories Silent Hill gave her were not for her benefit, but intended for James’ torment.

Maria was fine with that. She wasn’t going to let him off easy for leaving her all alone.

“How do you know about the tape?” James demanded weakly. His constitution matched his voice; his eyes were bloodshot and clothes matted with dirty water and blood. Maria’s smile never wavered. “Aren’t you Maria?”

“I’m not your Mary, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Her voice was cold, face twisting into a scowl.

“If you’re not Mary, then you’re… Maria?”

“I am.” The smile returns, now coy, teasing. “If you want me to be.”

She reached out and touched his face delicately, caressing the flesh marred with gore and bodily fluids. She wanted to remind him who was real and who wasn’t. Mary was gone. Maria was here. She whispered in his ear, _come over and get me_. She was excited, delighted, to watch him go. Struggle his way over here—for what? What could Maria give to James that Mary couldn’t?

Maria knew. It was the thing all men wanted.

She sat on the bed. Once again she would wait. James could collect his reward and they would leave. Mary couldn’t give James a happily ever after and that made Maria smile.

But what Silent Hill gave, Silent Hill took away just as easily.

The pressure on her face in the darkness felt familiar somehow.

* * *

When Maria wakes up yet again, she is on the roof of the hotel. She can’t see it in a mirror but she knows that every fiber of her being has changed into something that isn’t her: her face, body, and clothes have warped into a facsimile of Mary. James’ Mary. Her body feels very weak.

Mary…

Maria looks out at the fog. She can’t see anything but a cold, misty white swirling around the island. This hotel feels like the end of the world. Perhaps, she thinks, it will soon to be the end of _her_ world. She knows James is approaching to meet his sins headlong, now that the burden on his soul is recognized. She’ll be his judge, jury, and executioner.

 _Maria,_ Ernest had said to her, _the Gods are here_. Will the same Gods that led her to James take her away?

Maria almost wants to laugh at her absurd fate. The Gods that granted her flesh and blood, Mary’s memories, and now Mary’s visage are truly cruel, and made her for what purpose? To torment a murderer for his sin, she thinks. _Thou shalt not kill,_ so says the Commandments. Maria learned Mary was a Christian when she was alive. _Ave Mari_ a _, gratia plena,_ Mary once said, praying on her rosary in the hospital. _Hail Mary, full of grace._ She prayed to get better. She prayed to leave the hospital to raise the little orphaned girl as her own, with James. Unlike her namesake, God hadn’t graced this Mary with the ability to bear children. 

For the first time Maria wants to ask Mary if there’s anything beyond this life. But she knows better than anyone it’s a foolish question.

When James appears, weapon in tow and recognition his eyes, he sees the Mary that isn’t Mary. He calls out to her in that feeble, pathetic voice. “Mary…”

Maria turns around and fixes him with a steely gaze. “Mary’s not here. You killed her.” Her words ring in the emptiness; they are final and absolute. 

“Maria.” He recognizes her now. “I’m finished with you. I don’t need you anymore. I’m done.”

His words cleave through her heart more destructively than any weapon would. 

Maria clenches her fists at his denial. She won’t stand for this, and neither will the town. Energy is pulsating around them. “James,” she says, finally, almost terrifyingly calm, “I could be everything for you that Mary wasn’t. She’s never coming back. I’ll be here with you forever. I’ll never yell or raise my voice at you. Forget Mary, James.”

But James rejects her again, shaking his head, gripping his weapon with a more determined stance. “No. You’re not Mary. You will never be her.”

“You’ll never have her back!”

Upon Maria’s declaration, her world suddenly goes black. Something else takes over her consciousness, pushing her out of her physical body, and leaving her adrift in the darkness. James’ vehement rejection has broken her. Or was it something else’s doing? Either way, Maria feels herself beginning melt into nothingness.

 _This is a dead end. There’s nothing beyond here._ Mary’s soothing voice drifts through her fading consciousness. It is a comforting lullaby in the darkness.

She’s heard those words before, but she can’t place who said them to her.

Maria replies, _I know._

**Author's Note:**

> I finished SH2 for the first time and I have a lot of feelings about Maria. :(


End file.
